Tisha B’Are You Serious? You’re fasting again?

This year, as last year and at least three years before that, I’m fasting for Tisha B’Av because I consider it more of a national Jewish holiday than a religious fast like Yom Kipur, and I think it’s a shame that more secular Jews don’t participate in a day completely devoted to feeling depressed about the state of our people.  (When I tried guilting Mr. B into fasting this year, he said he would “try to eat less.”)

IThe more I go along, the more I realize just how orthoprax I am: believing in the necessity of Jewish rituals to build community, without necessarily believing in the existence of a God that would enjoy my brain aneurism.

As usual, I’m skipping all the religious traditions that go with Tisha B’Av and traditional Jewish mourning rituals, such as listening to Eicha, sitting on low stools, and abstaining from work, but I am fasting (or at least trying to until I pass out head-first in a bowl of shrimp primavera,) which leads me to this list I made last year of foods I was craving at 11 am that day:

• Auntie Anne’s pretzels covered with chocolate soft serve
• Penne with tomato vodka sauce and bacon salt (why did I write this? I don’t even like bacon)
• Mango-strawberry smoothie with Oreos
• Cedar-plank salmon with a side of chocolate chips
• Falafel with a filling of olives and French fries
• Grilled cheese panini with kale chips
• Chicken shashlik the way my dad makes it

I’m off to eat all of those things before I fast. Tzom kal! And beteavon to me.