- Work
- IKEA Couch is delivered
- Unbrideled enthusiasm for 15 minutes as you finally have a place to sit
- IKEA couch is defective (obviously)
- Call IKEA
- Wait 30 minutes on hold
- Heart rate is up
- Yell at IKEA representative
- New couch will be delivered!
- In three weeks.
- Work
- Sleep
- Weekend
- Put together bed delivered from Overstock.
- This takes you four hours.
- Decide now is when you’re ready to paint your bedroom.
- You hate yourself.
- Drive to Home Depot
- Buy six paint samplers of the color green in remarkably similar shades
- Paint all six onto the wall. Pretend you’re in The Yellow Wallpaper.
- Drive back to Home Depot, get one color. Hand over your wallet.
- But wait, you also need a painting tarp and a tool organizer.
- Drive back home
- Tape walls for 2-3 hours, tape carpet for 1 hour
- Paint for 6 hours
- Hallucinate from the fumes.
- It was a good hallucination.
- Examine handiwork.
- Coat of paint is uneven.
- What.
- Paint for 1 more hour.
- Hallucinate. This time you see Jonathan Rhys Meyers riding a unicorn.
- Watch TV for
- Coat of paint is uneven
- Screw this
- Sleep
- Work
- Work
- Drive to IKEA for kitchen chairs
- Buy 6
- Five are great! One is defective
- Alcohol
- Work
- Weekend!
- Dad comes, says bedroom painting is sloppy.
- Tell him he can sleep in the radon basement.
- Mom says the green looks like “you sleep in a swamp.”
- Tell mom she can sleep in the radon basement with dad.
- Pretty kitchen table is delivered from West Elm. It is PERFECT! PRAISE ALLAH.
- Work
- Try to muster up 30 minutes to take pictures of the house for the blog. Realize that your camera, your camera cord, and your computer are on three different floors. Also, your computer is lying down, turned on, on the carpet of your office. Not worth it.
- Drive to IKEA to return defective chair
- Feel like you’re a prisoner of IKEA. A prisoner of economics.
- Since everything else is EXPENSIVE AS HELL, decide, after three weeks of looking online for alternatives, that you will buy an IKEA desk, even though you’ve been burned in the past.
- Desk is in-stock, legs are out of stock.
- You will have to drive to IKEA AGAIN.
- But not today.
- Hate your life.
- Hate your husband.
- Hate yourself.
- Drive to Home Depot.
- Buy grill.
- Realize you also need charcoal, lighter fluid, spatula, weed killer.
- Connect Home Depot to your checking account automatically.
- Work
- Think about how you will have to go to IKEA today again after work.
- Contemplate homicide.
- Read your to-do list
- It is not getting any smaller.
- Cry quietly.
