Woman. Legend. Blog.

Badass, man.

Here, this is for you. It’s probably rated R.  For Rodriguez.  Also pRofanity.

Hi!  I’m a blogger and I used to be really cool and funny and as a result, I got TONS of traffic.  And, OMG advertisers started e-mailing me, too, which makes me feel really important.  So instead of writing the smart, moving, and beautifully-written content that I got noticed for, I am whoring myself out for a $20 Steak n’ Shake Maker, $100 Knife, or a book that I could have potentially bought by foregoing my weekly latte.  And I really want that Steak n’Shake!  But I also want you to have one so you can leave over 100 comments on my blog and drive up traffic!  Nothing makes my day more than more blog traffic.  Well, except for a Stake n’ Shake.  Or an Anthropologie top.

My life has been pretty chaotic lately. New job, new school, new house, and, thanks to that whoreicane Irene, now we have a sinkhole situation in our driveway.

So, this week I’ve been pretty busy with my new job, grad school orientation, surviving earthquakes, and devouring The Magician King (more on that next week).  And this weekend I’m ready to fight for my life.  So you can imagine I don’t have too many links this go around.

• Having a pane of Soviet-grade glass fall on my head when I was 3
• Getting lost in my neighborhood in the dark when I was 8 and coming home, crying, to have my mom lecture me about rapists. Of course, there is no such thing as sex in Russia, so it wasn’t really rapists, but “Bad People.”
• Getting into a near-fatal car accident with Mr. B. We were both unharmed, the car was totalled.
• Working an internship in a country that went to war.  I was at the beach.
• Same country.  God screws me over.
• Falling off a horse getting ready to go into a gallop.
• Going to West Philadelphia.
• Snowmageddon.
• Experiencing a 5.8-level earthquake on the second day that I chose to work in a 50-story building, on floor 42. If you’ve never experienced an earthquake that high up, it feels like all your paranoia and Russian pessimism have finally been justified.

Suzanne posted a link from Huffpo advising women not to wear engagement rings to interviews.

Two weeks ago I quit my old job, with many of the same feelings as I did the last time I quit to move to Philadelphia.  The position was perfect for the months I was in it, but it was time for a new challenge. I start my new, shiny, exciting job tomorrow.  And grad school starts on Wednesday.

Blind item!

I promise.  I was just on a mini-vacation (which I’ll blog about soon), and so now I’m catching up.  Mini-vacations tend to make me happy, so I have nothing to kvetch about.  However, there is an episode developing that will prove to be delightfully funny if all goes right and terribly horrible if all goes wrong, so stay tuned!

Today is the first day of my mini-vacation before I start my new job and grad school in a couple of weeks.  What am I doing? Getting my nails done, shopping for jewelry, trying on furs, and running my Russian restaurant.  At least this is what I would be doing if I were a REAL RUSSIAN WOMAN.  Instead, I’m cleaning the house in preparation for my aunt coming from Russia this weekend, visiting my grandpa, and making soup.  EPIC LETDOWN.